Coming from a Latin American country where it feels like summer year-round, with rain marking the only real shift in seasons, moving to the Netherlands has been an adventure—and not always an easy one. The charming canals, and cozy culture are wonderful, but those long, dark winters? They’re tough. They’ve taught me just how much the lack of sunlight can impact your mood, your relationships, your productivity… and even your sexuality.
This experience introduced me to something I’d never dealt with before: Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). It’s a type of depression that shows up with the seasons. For most people, it starts in the fall, hangs around all winter, and finally lifts in the spring or summer.
SAD is more common in women+ and tends to affect young adults more than older folks. It’s also more likely if you live far from the equator, where sunlight during winter is scarce. Family history, low vitamin D, and sensitivity to seasonal changes can all play a role too—and for me, these risk factors hit close to home.
The Weight of Winter
For me, SAD feels like carrying a heavy, invisible weight. I’m tired all the time, no matter how much I sleep. I crave carbs and sweets like crazy, which doesn’t exactly help my body.
And then there’s the isolation—I want to stay connected with people, but the urge to hibernate often wins.
As a psychologist, I’ve seen my patients struggle with similar feelings. They talk about feeling drained, sleeping too much, and their appetites increasing exponentially
Some even experience severe consequences, like Isolating themselves from others or having darker, more harmful thoughts. It’s important to know that SAD isn’t just feeling a little down in the winter—it’s a serious condition that deserves attention.
The Impact on Sexuality and Relationships
One thing that doesn’t get talked about enough is how SAD affects sexuality and relationships. When you’re dealing with lower serotonin (the “feel-good” brain chemical) and higher melatonin (the sleep hormone), it’s no surprise that energy levels—and libido—take a hit.
Add in feeling exhausted, sleeping poorly, or being unhappy with how your body feels, and intimacy can really take a backseat. For couples, this can lead to frustration or emotional distance. If one person feels disconnected, it’s easy for misunderstandings.
Finding What Helps To manage SAD, I’ve had to try different tools and routines. Here are a few things that have worked for me:
Light therapy Sitting in front of a light box that mimics natural sunlight has made a big difference in my mood and energy.
Vitamin D supplements A small but powerful addition to my routine.
Getting outside Even on cloudy days, fresh air and movement help lift my spirits.
Sticking to a routine It’s not always easy, but having a daily rhythm keeps me grounded and connected with others.
Planning new activities Finding different, exciting things to do, especially social activities, has motivated me to get out of the house and engage with others.
Exploring hobbies Trying out new hobbies has not only been fun but has also helped me focus on positive, creative outlets.
If you’re looking to improve intimacy and connection with your partner during these challenging times, consider trying some of these ideas:
Go for a relaxing erotic massage together.
Explore something new with an erotic toy.
Visit a sauna to unwind and connect.
Plan a romantic getaway to rekindle closeness.
The biggest lesson, though, has been learning when to ask for help. SAD is a real medical condition, and therapy or medication can be life-changing. If you or someone you know is struggling, reaching out isn’t just helpful—it’s essential.
The Power of Therapy
When negative thoughts or emotions become overwhelming, seeking psychological or sexological therapy can make all the difference. A professional can help you create a personalized action plan to navigate your challenges, whether it’s tackling SAD, rebuilding intimacy, or enhancing your emotional well-being. Therapy is not just about fixing problems; it’s about equipping yourself with tools to thrive and reconnect with your best self.
Taking Care of Me
As women+, we often put ourselves last, especially when life feels overwhelming. But self-care has been key to feeling better. It’s helped me reconnect with my creativity, my body, and my sense of joy. By nurturing myself, I’ve found room for intimacy, fun, and even pleasure—things that can feel impossible in the middle of winter.
Let’s Start Your Journey
You don’t have to go through this on your own. Whether you’re feeling stuck with Seasonal Affective Disorder, disconnected in your relationships, or just trying to figure things out, there’s help out there. Therapy is a safe and supportive space to talk about it. Together, we can help you get your energy back, find your joy, and feel more connected.
Mariana Barrios Morales, is a psychologist, sexologist, sex coach, couple’s therapist, and coach integration microdosing from Latin America, Venezuela. She is living in the Netherlands.
As a passionate and dedicated sexologist, I focus on promoting positive sexual health and well-being. With a deep understanding of human sexuality, I offer personalized consultations, education, and guidance to individuals and couples. My commitment is to create a safe, non-judgmental space for exploration and growth.
Book a session with Mariana at marianatusexologa.com
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